who, me ??
yeah, okay. so maybe I did it. whatsit to ya?
- Male miniature dachshund, 4.8 years of age13 lbs with Brown eyes
- Goes by the name of Oscar (a.k.a. Merlin in another life we won't discuss)
- Markings: Black and tan
- Occupation: Beloved family pet
- Unusual Personality Traits: Enjoys shredding toilet paper. clean toilet paper.
POSSIBLE CRIMINAL MASTERMIND
What we know:
Suspect was attempting to sunbathe in his back garden when three men of unknown origin entered his domain, brandishing garden tools including, but not limited to, lawnmower, weed-trimmer, and blower.
Suspect claims he was only attempting to find a more peaceful napping location, but witnesses claim that suspect yelled, "I'm BLOWING THIS JOINT.'
Suspect claims he was cornered unwillingly in Defendant's car and quote, "I did what any red blooded American dog would do in my situation."
Defendant placed call to 911.
Time Served: 10 days in county lock-up; placed in the special 'bite unit'
Came home with suspicious markings inside left ear (jailhouse tattoos???); attitude; and a crooked tail (I don't want to know, alls I'm saying).
The cost of Oscar's Great Escape?