thoughts for the new year

Resolutions? bah, humbug! I resolved last year to not be such an ass. I did pretty well until December rolled around. Then all that pent-up 'assness' just came roiling out and about. So instead of resolving to be a better person, I'm sharing with you a few thoughts to take into this new year.

(photo via Soubry)

Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others.

-Chogyam Trungpa
(via Assorted)

Be yourself: your unashamed, truly awesome, who you are, Self.

Even if it means you like to smoke cigars
and wear flowers in your babushka.

"Masturbation in the library toilet is a violation of the
University of St. Andrews Library Regulations"

Some rules are meant to be broken.
Enough said.

Read the signs as you go along. If you don't understand the signs,
ask someone who does. Sometimes two heads are better than one.

(see cowboy's post here, for clarification)

Chew your way into a new world.
Munch leaves. Molt. Rest. Molt
again. Self-reinvention is everything.

- Amy Gerstler
Advice from a Caterpillar
Dearest Creature

(via WhiskeyRiver)

"We are born for wonder, for joy, for hope, for love, to marvel at the mystery of existence, to be ravished by the beauty of the world, to seek truth and meaning, to acquire wisdom, and by our treatment of others to brighten the corner where we are."
- Dean Koontz
Life Expectancy

(via WhiskeyRiver)



J Cosmo Newbery said...

Mostly good advice. Not sure what the issue is with loose women but better the masturbating in the library toilet.

(Perhaps they need to look at what books they have on the shelves?)

Flogging Molly. said...

I for one am outraged. OUTRAGED! at the University of Saint Andrews Library's strictures on masturbation. Fully sixty percent of masturbating students masturbating in here are female. We spill semen on the floor only extremely rarely and accidentally. Many of us have never ever had any semen spilled in our direction at all. I demand this poster be removed at once

5/16ths Whitworth said...

I am a man of some skill with my large selection of wrenches in many sizes. Loose women are welcome to apply here for re-tightening and other tuning adjustments.

C.T.R Piller. said...

Yeah. great advice, ms Gerstler. Believe me, we caterpillars work hard for our matamorphosis. My brother Ted wore out three sets of dentures chomping on muddy cabbage leaves, thought he'd be a glorious Purple Emperor butterfly if he just stuck at it... So. He finishes his last cabbage, rools up, spins his silk chrysalis.... Still With me? Hangs there pupating, manages not to get eaten by a bird.... time goes by.... time goes by... Then the big day. He emerges! Is it his dream? Is he a beautiful fluttering Purple Emperor?

NO! He's a f***king great sixteen ton yellow diesel bulldozer!
F*** You Ms Gerstler!

Uncle Thomas said...

Those girls wit' de seegars? they de gals who roll dem, make dem, rollin' on de warm, smooth inner thigh.
Ohh baby, i'se gittin' HOT even t'inking of it.

Angel on de lef' she's 31, and Donna on de right, the sweet kid, all of 24.mmmmmm!

goatman said...

twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

And if i pass this way again, you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her, on that i give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved.
Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail,
Poisoned in the bushes an' blown out on the trail,
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

Suddenly i turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

Now there's a wall between us, somethin' there's been lost
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

I've heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love.
Do i understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation an' they gave me a lethal dose.
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, i'm livin' in a foreign country but i'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday i'll make it mine.
If i could only turn back the clock to when god and her were born.
"come in," she said,
"i'll give you shelter from the storm."

A rhymy Dylan ditty

red dirt girl said...

Beautiful, goatman. Simply beautiful. Like you.

Adullamite said...

Be you lass, and may this year bring you good things!xx

gz said...

Wishing us all good things in 2012

red dirt girl said...

I've fixed the linky-dink to cowboy's blog. Hopefully his post on checking the oil will explain why Loose Women are dangerous. As for the masturbation in the library ...??? Who knew what that sticky glob on the floor was, I ask ???

Morag Buchanan said...

Dear Flogging Molly,

Your complaint has been forwarded to the Library's Special Task Force on Masturbation for review. Whilst we are aware than many of our masturbating students are female, our grievance is with the male students' vandilization of our public toilets. Filthy perrverts they be. Not only do they refuse to clean up after themselves, they also refuse to WASH THEIR HANDS before exiting the toilets. Do you know how many of our books have been defaced by sticky male fingers???
The numbers are astonishing.

Our young ladies are so ever discrete (though we do have a few complaints regarding the moaning above a whisper level emanating from the ladies' toilet.) You always clean up properly and wash your hands before exiting the toilet. And we do love to see such a bonny glow on your cheeks.

Nevermind ye the notice, lass. It is meant for the boys.

M. Buchanan
Assistant to the Assistant Head Director

Assistant to the Assistant for Procuring Contributors said...

Mr. C.T.R. Pillar

Mind your language here young man. We in the garden run a civilized establishment. If you have a complaint with one of our contributors, you must file a formal complaint form no. A1B6c493 with the proper department. You must then take your form over to the department's formal complaint intake desk, take a number, and wait until your number is called. We will do all we can to process your complaint in a timely fashion. However, due to the holidays, we are running about 4 weeks behind. Rest assured we will email you eventually.

As for your brother Ted, might I point out that he always has the opportunity to reinvent himself as Ms. Gerstler suggests. Perhaps if he re-painted himself a lovely shade of Royal Purple and get fitted for a pair of wings, he might feel more like a Purple Emperor.

yours truly
the management

red dirt girl said...

Mr. Whitworth,

Does your service include fine detailing, a-waxing and a-buffing? A mule needs to know.


Nurse Payne said...

Okay Uncle Thomas,

Time for your meds and bed. How many times have I told you to stop handing out cigars to the ladies here at the Rusty Years Retirement Home? Do you really think Angel and Donna are going to hike their skirts and roll those cigars on their thighs??

DONNA! ANGEL!! Stop lifting your skirts. You're messing with Thomas' pacemaker. And put down those cigars. NO SMOKING ALLOWED! Read the signs.

Geesh, I work in a zoo...

red dirt girl said...

Good tidings for the New Year to you, as well, Adullamite. Can I be a lassie mule? :)

red dirt girl said...

Well said, gz. Hoping for the best year yet for us all.

5/16ths Whitworth said...

Fine detailing, waxing and buffing is my speciality.

red dirt girl said...

Mr. Whitworth,

Umm, do you ever have specials? You know, like a 'two for one' deal ?? or it's Wednesday, ladies and mules get buffed for free?

See, after the holidays, my wallet is a bit slim....