"I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

~ Augusten Burroughs

(Source: quote-book) via Assorted



gz said...

very good sign!
xx gz

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Like it. I have a verse for my river of stones poem along those lines put aside for a future day.

Adullamite said...

It is not 'socially constructed,' it is a woman's ideas of what others will think that she sees.
A man just glances and snorts...

Alberto Granados said...

Imagine my lot of flaws. My main one is called age. The...


red dirt girl said...

Hi gz - girl power !! :)

red dirt girl said...

Cosmo, I'm enjoying your river of stones piece. Look forward to reading the corresponding verse.


red dirt girl said...

Ok Adullamite ~ I've been avoiding responding to your comment because I don't think I have it in me right now to tussel about the politics of beauty, perception, societal pressure. Enough to say that we women begin to experience it at a young age. I have a gorgeous 16 year old daughter who currently believes she needs to diet drastically and work out every day to 'become the image' she thinks she needs to be. Who gave her this idea that she needs to be slimmer, more muscular etc. ??? Does she put this pressure on herself? Why yes, of course she does. But where in the world did she get the IDEA that her beauty isn't perfect enough just as she is?? I believe it comes from our culture, our societal views on what constitutes beauty: the photoshopped model in the magazines, billboards, television, movies ... We all fall sway to these images.

And men are beginning to experience a bit of this as well. For instance my oldest, now off to college, has taken up weight lifting to "buff out". He's naturally very thin and especially so because of his years as a cross country runner. He has absolutely no body fat. Now he feels he needs bigger muscles and the ever elusive 'six-pack' abdomen.

They are both concerned about how others will judge their appearances and the elusive in this construct happens to be our 'society' - so I stand by the original quote.

Lucky you that you can glance in the mirror and be satisfied by what you see.


red dirt girl said...

AG ~ We are all flawed and there is beauty in our flaws. Age ??? By no means is it a flaw. Like a fine wine that ages and increases in subtle flavor over time ... age is good in my book. Though I do struggle with my own aging looks, I admit.


Anonymous said...

My distending belly makes me look:

A. Distinguished
B. Stately
C. Wealthy
D. Self-confident
E. Handsome

The reflections in my mirror are sometimes distorted by socially constructed ideas of success, but my mind is slowly learning to compensate.

Hi mule friend!

soubriquet said...


I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

red dirt girl said...

LOL !!

I love how you are so able to swoop in and synthesize a random post into one succinct, coherent thought.

"but my mind is slowly learning to compensate." ~ I love this part !!!

Hi Dave!

red dirt girl said...

Soubry ~ Sylvia !!

Were we discussing this poem a couple of weeks ago?? Because I know I had a long discussion with my daughter about it, and surely, I must have shared it with you ... neverthemind - it's perfect for this post. Though I'd argue that the mirror reflects not her beauty, but her ever cycling madness ...


soubriquet said...

The mirror reflects the scary person inside her, the trapped girl, and the evil crone.

Yes, we did discuss her, and how she ended her life. I don't think it's right to blame Ted Hughes, her wayward husband, because Sylvia had been skating around the edge of the whirlpool all her life, had tried several times...
I look at Hughes' womanising as more of an admission of defeat, that Sylvia had left him, in her mind, in heart and soul she was closed off from him, skating inexorably toward doom.

That he loved her is clear, that he was unable to reach her any more is also clear.

red dirt girl said...

I admit to casually tossing Hughes into the pile of "men who wronged their women" category. The truth, of which we will never be privy to, is undoubtedly more complex than can be imagined. We do know that their relationship was tempestuous, passionate and fraught with tensions both good and bad. Did they feed each other's creativity or did they feed OFF of each other (in a more destructive sense)...? I do not know.

I do not condone Hughes' womanizing nor the idea that Sylvia's emotional unavailability gave him just cause to seek comfort elsewhere. It's just not how I operate. I would be much happier if the man in question left me for another woman rather than keep camp on both sides of the river.
No, I do not blame Hughes for Sylvia's madness nor her death. I do think, however, that both had large personalities and equally large quantities of narcissism. I see a couple whose forces that fueled their creativity also fueled their self-destructive behaviors.


goatman said...

"camp on both sides of the river" made me smile; you really have it with the metaphors.

As to Sylvia, I wish that she had been diagnosed and treated. It is now suspected that depression (and extreme depression in her case) may be caused by a simple chemical imbalance in the brain and can be treated as such -- as SRRI's maybe.

"Arty" types always make me uneasy anyway, thinking of Hughes.

red dirt girl said...

Hi goatman ~ smile for the 'metaphors' - not sure where that one came from ... it just popped out. I think it is suspected that Sylvia was bi-polar, and yes, treatment could have helped her - maybe. Creative types often feel medications such as SRRI's wrap their creativity in cotton - it feels muffled; as a result, they are not always med-compliant.

I do not know enough about Hughes to comment intelligently on him - Soubry knows more of his story than I. I understand he already had a reputation as a womanizer; Sylvia was repeatedly warned off of him; But she had to have him anyway .... a sad affair for all parties involved, especially the children.