my valentine

~ by Tony Hoagland

After seeing the nature documentary we walk down Canyon Road
into the place of art galleries and high end clothing stores

where the mock orange is fragrant in the summer night
and the smooth adobe walls glow fleshlike in the dark.

It is just our second date, and we sit down on a bench,
holding hands, not looking at each other,

and if I were a bull penguin right now I would lean over
and vomit softly into the mouth of my beloved

and if I were a peacock I'd flex my gluteal muscles to
erect and spread the quills of my cinemax tail.

If she were a female walkingstick bug she might
insert her hypodermic proboscis delicately into my neck

and inject me with a rich hormonal sedative
before attaching her egg sac to my thoracic undercarriage,

and if I were a young chimpanzee I would break off a nearby treelimb
and smash all the windows in the plaza jewelry stores.

 And if she were a Brazilian leopard frog she would wrap her 
tongue three times around my right thigh and

pummel me lightly against the surface of our pond
and I would know her feelings were sincere.

 Instead we sit awhile in silence, until
she remarks that in the relative context of tortoises and iguanas,

human males seem to be actually rather expressive.
And I say that female crocodiles really don't receive

enough credit for their gentleness.
Then she suggests it is time for us to go

to get some ice cream cones and eat them.



Adullamite said...

You are everyone's Valentine sweetie!

Just don't tell him......

goatman said...

Hope you got some chocolate, give yourself a kiss for me . .. and count your blessings.
You could be on a cruise ship!

Lee said...

I'm glad I'm a people and able to eat and like ice cream! ;)

Happy Valentine's Day, red dirt girl!

red dirt girl said...

Adullamite ! xoxoxox

red dirt girl said...


Someone made a pan of brownies and brought them to work (yes, I had the pleasure of being the closing manager on Valentine's ...) which I liberally partook of.

Corporate sent us 4 dozen long stem red roses, (for hitting the 4 million in sales mark) and I have to say, not really being a rose loving gal, they ARE stunning.

I so appreciate the kiss and send one right back 'atcha and a big ((Hug)) as well.

Kill me if I ever sign up for a cruise. Seriously.


red dirt girl said...

Hahahaa Lee!

Can't wait to be on the receiving end of a bull penguin's vomit .... LOL

I'm with you - ice cream all the way. Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day, Lee.