423b2e
423b2e

5.23.2014

the morning after, on a Tempur-pedic


rogue memory

Her:  I dreamed I married a cat prince last night.

Him:  CAT PRINCE ??? What kind of dream was that?

Her:  Well, he had the body of a man but the head of a cat.  And when we kissed, he had a rough, sandpaper sort of tongue that was small and pink.  It wasn't fun kissing him.  Plus I wasn't his only wife.

Him:  I think you need to start laying off the LSD before bedtime.

Her:  I blame the new mattress.  It came with some weird memories.

Him: Oh no it can't.  It's brand new!  It came straight from the factory with no memories hard-wired into it.

Her:  No.  I think the memory foam had some, you know, pre-memories.  From the time it existed BEFORE it became a mattress.  I think it's leaching its memories into my dreams.  I mean, how can you trust memory foam, right?  You don't know where it's been before it became a bed.

Him:  I think all memory foam should sign a 'Do Not Tell' waiver before it agrees to become a bed.  Just think of all the stories a mattress could tell the world?  Think of the headlines in papers:  Memory Foam Rocks World With Celebrity Tell-All Book.

Her:  Exactly!  That's my point.  Our memory foam didn't sign the No Tell waiver.

Him:  Yeah, but think how handy it will be when I wake up at 2am with a brilliant money making idea?!!  All I will have to do is whisper it to my mattress, and when I wake up in the morning, the memory foam will remember it all in great detail for me!  Phew - what a relief.  No more looking for pen and paper and waking you up in the middle of the night.

Her:  No.  What you will wake up to is your mattress auctioning your great idea to the highest bidder.  It will already be on its facebook page and twitter feed.  You can't stop it.  It's a monster.... Maybe we should return it?

Him:  What?  The mattress?  We just had our first great night's sleep in a year!  Don't be stupid.

Her:  (Sighs)

xxx

ps. This is a true story.

6 comments:

soubriquet said...

You forgot to mention the dead Komodo dragons.

Sometimes I look for the cameras in this ongoing sit-com. I'm sure we're immensely popular on day-time television in Brazil, or Burundi, Outer Mongolia, or Inner Space...

Now, I think it's time for me to reveal more......
Elsewhere of course.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

It was a Brontosaurus in a previous life. Several, in fact.

red dirt girl said...

Ahhh ..... that would explain the troubling presence of miniature komodo carcasses littering the ground in my dream ...!

xxx


red dirt girl said...

As for you, british turncoat ... what goes around, comes around.

I've got Sam on my side ...!


xxxx

goatman said...


Aha! The whole IS greater than the sum of its parts.

bulletholes said...

This is the greatest story I've read in some time!